So, You Don't Know What You're Doing With Your Life? Let Me Tell You.

When I graduated from college people liked to tell me what I should do with my life. Everyone from my parents’ friends to strangers in gas stations told me I should do everything from move to Oklahoma and make disciples to open a sewing store. It was never very helpful though, because I didn’t care what people thought I should do. I only cared what God thought I should do. I didn’t know what God wanted me to do, so I did what was easy and moved home. Boring.

People don’t offer unnecessary advice so much anymore. Maybe because I’m prepared to tell them I’m moving to California for the summer, I have several ideas of what to do after the summer, and I have a favorite idea.

I could stay in San Diego. With an apartment on the beach. I could move back to the Palouse. With my friends. I could move to Eugene where Resonate is planting a church. With adventure. I could work at a Youth Ranch. With horses. I could move to a convent and seek God for six months. With Jesus. And Nuns. My favorite idea is the convent.

I have no idea what that would look like. I only know I have a friend who lived in a convent for six months, and she had a ring in her voice when she talked about Jesus. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt how much he loved her, and she lived unafraid. I didn’t get the chance to talk to her for very long, but I want what she has. Living in a convent for a while seems like a small price to pay for such a great reward.

While I hope Elevate will teach me to reach out to each person around me, a convent would teach me to rely on God and would stretch my relationship with him indefinitely. I would have an easier time reaching out because it would flow naturally from what was already within. And I think it would be awesome.

But I don’t know what to do. I sort of don’t care to look that far down the road. Sometimes it’s overwhelming to see all the things I have to do in the distance, and I may get paralyzed if I look too far. I can see the next step, and I can do the next step. The next step right now is to put my sister to bed and get some sleep. And then the next step will be to wake up and take the dogs out. And then the next step is to feed them. 

I can take one step at a time, but sometimes I worry about the future. I know I may not need to know what the future holds yet, but I also worry that God won’t show me the way. I’m afraid I’ll get five steps down the road and realize the road didn’t lead anywhere at all. I’ll realize I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, and where is God now?

But I know that’s silly. I know if God puts the next step in front of me, he will put step six in front of step five. And he will put step seven in front of step six. And he will put step eight in front of step seven.

Anyway, why am I telling you all this? Why make you read a book with no information and only filled with questions you couldn’t answer if you tried?

Because you can pray for me.

Things to pray for:

That God will reveal the next step as long as he wants me to keep walking forward.

That I will trust God. I know he’s got my back and has already laid all the next steps and he loves me and will always be there for me and is not disappointed in me and has washed me clean, but it’s hard to believe all that even though I know it’s true. The battle between knowledge and belief is a battle I haven’t won, and I don’t know if I ever will, but in the meantime, I’ll hide here with my hood pulled over my head under the shadow of his wings.