Dogs, Demons, and Depression

This week while running I met this terrible little dog. He was very little. He was very yappy. He barked and barked as I ran along trying not to step on him. He ran and barked and growled and snarled. I was afraid.

I wasn’t afraid he would kill me, but I was afraid he would bite me, and we all learned from Achilles to guard our legs at all costs. They’re valuable. One good bite could drain my blood. Who knows if that very little dog had poisoned teeth ready to rip into my exposed skin and send me to a very quick end? So maybe I was a little afraid to die, but only in the back of my subconscious. I was mostly annoyed and offended.

This week my friend told me he was attacked by a demon. In detail. I feared sleep. I listened to the Bible all night just so I could doze off for a moment. Maybe this guy didn’t die but he was physically struck.

Last weekend I was unusually depressed. And confused. I didn’t have any particular reason to be depressed, unless it was the boy, but that seemed unlikely as the depression was a darkness in my soul and not so much a grief of my heart.

So, I was depressed, attacked by a dog, and afraid of being attacked by a demon.

And I was living in sin. You see, God made his commands clear in the Bible, and I was shirking my responsibilities. He has conquered. Let me follow him. But I didn’t want to follow him in this. I wanted to do my own thing. I didn’t want to run away, because I know the consequences are fatal, but I wanted to have my way in this very small area.

“See this sin, God? It’s very small. Look how small it is. Let me just get away with this very small thing. Is that so much to ask? I’ve been walking down this path so neatly, surely it wouldn’t hurt anyone if I walked just here in this nice fluffy emerald grass just right next to the path. No problem.”

But you see, that is where the monsters dwell. They are on chains and cannot reach me as long as I stick to the path, but as soon as I stray from the path to the right or to the left, they capture me and suck on me. Slowly. It starts with depression. It has despair. It has all the accusations in the world. If I should think, “Maybe this is happening because I’m living in sin,” the thought will come, “But if it’s not because of sin, what is it? I mean, what I’m doing is not really sin. It’s not like I’m killing anyone. I’m just not actively pursuing this person God told me to pursue. And I intend to pursue this person. So I’m not sinning. So this is surely not happening because of sin because there is no sin.”

And the arguments are so nearly convincing. They have me totally convinced because you see, I like this grass. It’s nice. It’s green. In fact, the grass is greener off the path because you see, there is no grass on the path. The path is beaten down with the footprints of the great cloud of witnesses who have gone before. I’d rather be where the grass is greener.

But the arguments do not convince the Holy Spirit. Ever. He is not deceived. He is all knowing. And He loves me. And He does not wish me to be deceived because He sees the monster eating me and wishes me to have life and love and peace, the peace that passes understanding. This is the peace that guards my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Why was I afraid? Shouldn’t I have this peace? Shouldn’t I be completely guarded in Christ Jesus so nothing could touch me?

But how do we get peace?

“Rejoice in the Lord, again I say to you, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be made known to everyone. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious about nothing but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And THEN the peace of God which surpasses understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Ok that’s nice, but a few sentences later it says, “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—PRACTICE these things, and THEN the God of Peace will be with you.” First follow God. Then get peace.

And you see, I was depressed because I was submitting to the devil and resisting God. I could not make the devil flee, because I was voluntarily under his authority.

So what did I have to do to make the depression go away? I had to get back on the path. I had to walk out of the jaws of the monster, step off the grass, and walk on the path. Even though it’s brown. And how do I do this from the jaws of the monster? Cry out to God. Ask Him to help me. Repent of my sin, turn to God, do what's right, and ask Him to make right all the things I've made wrong. 

So I did. And He freed me. Praise Him. 

You see, I was afraid of demons. But the dog was very small, and though it could indeed bruise my heel, I could easily crush its head. And no matter the size of the demon, I know it has already bruised the heel of Christ, and He has already crushed its head. I don’t know if God could make a rock too big for Him to move, but I know He didn’t. They placed the rock of the finality of death over His tomb, and He rolled it away. I know He has blessed me in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. I know I am chosen, adopted, recklessly loved, cared for, seen, cherished, thought of, pursued, and desired. I know He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world. I know God created the world perfectly and gave its authority to man. I know man gave the authority to the devil. I know Jesus wrested that authority back from the devil and gave it irrevocably to us. I know His gifts and His callings are irrevocable. I know the darkness and the light are both alike to Jesus. I know the name of the Lord is a strong tower. I can run to it and be safe because when I call Him, He comes. I know Jesus destroys His enemies with the breath of His mouth and the splendor of His coming. I know Jesus has already won. I know the devil is already defeated. I know all authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Christ, and that means the devil has zero authority.

So I slept in peace because the Lord sustains me.

Things to pray for:

I’m meeting a lady tomorrow to discuss spiritual gifts. Please pray for wisdom and that I would find clarity and peace and a vision of what it means to walk in the irrevocable gifts God has given me.

It’s time for me to reevaluate my life and discover what things are important to keep on my schedule and what things should be taken out. Please pray for wisdom as I consider the meaning of life, and that I would trust God enough to lose my life for his sake.

Boldness and opportunity to share the gospel with the people I see. Seriously. Pray for this.