All the Things

God taught me many things this week.

He reminded me I am a citizen of the Kingdom of light, not merely a visitor. He reminded me that should I wander for a moment back into the kingdom of darkness, that is not who I am. I am a child of the light no matter where I go. That is my citizenship no matter where I may vacation for a time. Those robes of righteousness he clothed me with did more than cover the refuse beneath. It changed the very core of my being, and should I look beneath the robes of Christ, I will see the shining image of God, not the creature of darkness I was. Should I wander for a moment into the realm of disobedience and death, I remain a child of Light. Nothing can undo what Christ has done. 

He showed me my role as a vessel for his power to flow through. 

He sent a friend to remind me that although I am a vessel to be poured out for the good of others, I am also his portable treasure. I look at this clay jar and think, “Who would want it? Sure, people want the Holy Spirit housed inside, but who wants the jar without the Holy Spirit?” God does. God loves the jar regardless of its contents.

He let me fall to the point of despair. I cannot fill the gap. I always wondered why the prophet didn’t stand up and say, “I will stand in the gap for my people, Israel. I will fight off the enemy. I will stand in the hole.” I guess he knew something I didn’t. The gap was much bigger than one he could fill. I too cannot fill the gap. I cannot pray hard enough or invite Jesus often enough to stop evil. But that’s ok. Maybe I am only a flea sitting there in the gap of the wall surrounding my friends, family, and cities, but I have a rather large bodyguard who stands behind me. He fills the gap. He intercedes on my behalf. He intercedes on behalf of my family. He intercedes on behalf of my friends. He intercedes on behalf of my cities. He is big enough to fill the gap, and he will do it. I will continue praying, but I will not think so highly of myself to believe I am the one deflecting the enemy. 

He gave me the gift of his love while I was under severe attack. He sent people to pray for me. He came himself and dispelled the attack. 

There was a bird stuck in the building at work. It flew frantically all day as my coworkers tried to catch it and set it free. Finally it was trapped. It gave up. It lay still, in despair, and that is when we were able to catch it and let it free. First it had to surrender to a higher power with the ability to help it. 

Someone told me I've grown a lot, that I'm not the person I was a year and a half ago. It's true. A lot of things have changed. Sometimes it's nice to stop and look back to see how far I've come. I am much freer. I am much more the person God made me to be. 

Things to pray for:

Boldness and opportunity to share the gospel. Also wisdom and clarity on that. I'm no longer sure how much I need to do. There was a time when I tried to force all my conversations in that direction. And then there was a time I stopped forcing and only prayed. I think neither is right. I think both are right. I'm just not sure when I should share the gospel. Sure, the devil will never tell me to share the gospel, but I may try to force it down people's throats in all the unhelpful ways. I'm confused. Please pray for clarity and guidance. 

Continued healing. I don't know where to go from here. And I'm afraid of the next steps. But I've been unsure and afraid in the past, and Jesus changed things, so I know he'll do it again. 

Clarity and wisdom about what my purpose is in life at the moment--where God wants me, who he wants me to invest in, what he wants me to do...