The Week Before Last

I defended my faith on Tuesday. Three staff members interrogated me. I became a waterfall.

Then I went home and curled in a lovely little heap on the darkened bathroom floor to cry some more. A few thousand healing tears poured from my face. Or maybe just a few hundred. Anyway, there were many. 

I went on a lovely adventure to the bank today, and on the way home I stopped to take some pictures. For my mother:

Sometimes I wonder if I matter. Then I go home and write about Prince Charming and Cinderella because my own "Prince" is nowhere in sight. Wouldn't it be nice for a strange young man to notice you? To be drawn to your inner beauty? To value something hidden deep in your heart? To see you for more than your body? To approach and ask your name? Thank you, young-man-from-Central-living-with-the-Mission-Valley-Elevate-Project, you made my day. You saw the Holy Spirit in me and wanted to know your sister. You reminded me that I matter. 

Things to pray for:

The first few weeks of Elevate felt very dark. They felt weighty and crushing. They felt like an enemy sitting on me. I expected people to ask how I was, to ask intentional questions and walk through life with me. I expected to share everything and fight the dark with a friend. Things never got better. The light never came. And by the time I realized I had to seek help to find it, I forgot about the weight. I'd gotten used to the dark. Only in the past few days have I realized the dark is there, still sitting on me. That is why things are hard. I assumed the dark had given way to light, but it had only numbed my awareness of it. So please pray. 

I don’t know what I’m doing after Elevate. I’ll visit some family, but after that is the blank future of the unknown. I have an interview for a youth ranch in Utah tomorrow, but I don’t know if that is what God has for me. Please pray that God will lay down a path for me and I will follow it. Please pray for peace as I face the unknown and the worldly pressure to have plans.

Please pray for opportunity and boldness to share the gospel.